Mr Sunshine
by PinkRangerV
Summary: Zordon only meant to call five teenagers. Why are there six? And why is the sixth so amazingly good with explosives? AU. No OCs. Total crack.
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! I return from the magical land of AO3 to simulpost this. I'm bipolar, and when I'm manic I work on this gem, and now that I'm nice and stable I thought I'd share with you guys. It's pretty funny, although in fair warning everyone and their brother calls Tommy a lunatic. (He's rather proud of it.) If you like it I'll write more-although don't worry, I've got a ton already written. TASTE THE RAINBOW!

 **Angel Grove, 1993**

"WELCOME, HUMANS!"

Almost instantly Zordon realized something was wrong. "...ALPHA?"

"Yes, Zordon?" The robot asked.

"WHY ARE THERE _SIX_ OF THEM?"

Alpha 5 glanced at the control panel for the teleportation device. "Oops! I must have set the wrong parameters! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!"

The sixth teenager, Tommy, looked blissfully unaware of the problems with his arrival. "Bro," He whispered to Jason, "These are _aliens_! This is _so cool_! Maybe we're in Area 51!"

Jason grinned in agreement, but put on his 'Leader Face' and turned to Zordon, crossing his arms. "So who are you?"

"And _what_ are you?" Kimberly added, clearly suspicious.

" _He's an alien!_ " Tommy whispered to her, clearly full of childlike enthusiasm.

"...I AM ZORDON OF ELTAR. AN INTERDIMENSIONAL BEING CAUGHT IN A TIME WARP. AND NOT AN ALIEN." This sixth was quite possibly high as a kite. Zordon had heard of teenagers who would alter their neurochemistry for fun. He just hadn't thought such a stupid thing was likely to happen to one of his Chosen.

"And my name is Alpha 5-" The robot started off.

"Excuse me, but will, like, somebody come back to Earth and pick me up, because I'm, like, totally confused." Kimberly said.

"Kim! Duh! They're aliens!" Tommy repeated, clearly thrilled. "They must be testing out some new project for Area 51, and we got caught in it! This is _so cool_!" He turned to Zordon. "Are you with the government?"

"...NO." Hastily trying to recover as the now-dejected boy opened his mouth again, Zordon continued. "THIS PLANET IS UNDER ATTACK. I HAVE BROUGHT YOU HERE TO SAVE IT."

"Yeah, righ-" Trini started, but Tommy was quicker.

" _Wow_! Jason, let's do it!" He grinned at his best friend, who looked torn between following Tommy's lead (which was fun) and doing The Right Thing(tm) (which he probably really should do).

But then again...

"Jase, man, there is no _way_ this is for real." Zack pointed out.

Jason's knee-jerk reaction was to say 'okay, then please explain the giant floating head in a tube'. Which, really, settled the whole matter. "Yeah, I know," He whispered back, "But on the other hand, remember the Santa Claus Mission?"

Zack's smile _grew_. Oh, _yes_. He remembered _that_ mission. Way back in first grade, the six of them had heard from some playground twerp that Santa Claus wasn't real, and Tommy, being Tommy, had decided that a) Santa Claus didn't deliver presents to kids, ergo b) he was being held hostage at the North Pole and the six of them should rescue him. While the police had been more than mildly amused to hear about six first-graders managing to get completely out of the state (on a _modified tractor_ , no less), that had been pretty much the most awesome thing Zack had ever done in his _life_.

And quite frankly, as much fun as Tommy was, Zack knew enough about normal people to realize that exposure to Tommy Oliver was probably punishment enough for whoever was pulling this little stunt.

"...You're a genius."

Jason grinned wryly, glancing at the others. They all nodded, even Trini (which was rare, she was normally the voice of reason, or at least quiet vengeance, but maybe she'd just realized how hilarious all of this would be too), so he grinned at Zordon.

Zordon quite rightly felt a hint of dread.

"Okay." Jason said, just a hint of a challenge in his voice. "Let's do this."

Tommy cheered.

"Wait, he was _serious_?"

Jason winced as the racket started. After the chaos downtown (apparently, Zordon _had_ been serious, just as Tommy had been dead serious about using the White Ranger powers to defend 'Truth, Justice, and the American Way'), they'd all gathered in his house, sans Tommy, because Zordon had been worried about some mumbo-jumbo that Jason was pretty sure translated to 'my new White Ranger is apparently on crack and I need to figure out why _before_ I give him any more pointy weapons'.

"Guys!" Jason shouted, raising his hands. The other four glanced expectantly at him. "Look, I'm...a bit confused too." _Or starting to get a bad feeling, either way_. "But think about it. Some 'interdimensional being', which, by the way, sounds like someone's seen one too many bad sci-fi movies, sees a planet in trouble and helps. Okay. I buy that. But if you're going to recruit local forces, what exactly is the point of picking teenagers over, say, _five heavily-armed Marines_?"

The others thought.

Jason was well aware that his group (he always thought of them as 'his', they were all that close) was usually labeled as the 'special' one at best. But in all honesty, they weren't crazy _or_ stupid, not even Tommy. They just had a tendency to think Tommy's antics were really funny, and liked hanging out.

And at the moment, Tommy wasn't there to cause any chaos.

"It's a con." Trini offered.

Jason nodded grimly. "My thoughts exactly. Whoever this 'Zordon' guy is, he's full of it."

"So, what, should we call the cops?" Everyone stared at Zack. "What? I mean, I know I'm not the first person to go for them, but have you guys _seen_ Tommy? He _loves_ this! Don't you think it's kind of mean to keep letting him think it's all good?"

"Accurate in sentiment, but the severity of the repercussions from attempting to remove Tommy from this being's grasp could be fatal, provided accuracy in my own judgement of the situation." Billy said.

"Zordon might want Tommy around enough to hurt him." Trini translated, rolling her eyes. "That therapy thing not going well?"

Billy looked sheepish. His parents had tried to put him in therapy last week for his 'speech impediment'. "I...may have become a bit zealous in my defense of my speech patterns..."

"Mmhmm." Trini placed the therapist on her 'kill if possible' list, then returned to the conversation. "I'm with Billy, this is a bad plan. We need to deal with this ourselves."

"Uh, Tri, don't get me wrong, I love you and you're _totally_ awesome and everything," Kim said, twirling her hair in nervousness, "But, like, _we're teenagers_. We're supposed to hang out at the _mall_."

Jason snorted. "Yeah, but what _are_ the cops going to do? Because a gun versus a Blade Blaster is kind of like bringing a knife to a gun fight." Damn, he hated that logic, but it was his job to air it. He sighed and considered. "Okay. So we're going to do this on our own. But that still leaves the question of _what_ to do."

Silence fell.

"Nothing." Billy said.

Jason raised an eyebrow, and Zack grinned. "Dude. Like that time when..." Billy grinned back, and Zack burst out laughing.

Jason groaned. "Not _that_ again, last time got us arrested."

"Our opponents are unaware of the inherent danger of trusting children." Billy pointed out. "On _both_ sides. And combined with your maturation as a leader, it should suffice to create enough cover."

"We're not six anymore." Trini translated. "And Tommy _would_ like to play superhero..."

They looked at each other.

"We have to ask him." Jason said. It was where he put his foot down; Trini's plans were brilliant, but she tended to 'forget' to ask people if they wanted to help or not. This time Trini acquiesced with just a nod.

A flash of white signaled Tommy's arrival, and Jason sighed.

Fifteen minutes later, Tommy had agreed with no reservations at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Content warnings: Murder. Not graphic, but it's there. Also a bit of body horror-mentions of putting heads on pikes.

It had been a busy week for the Power Rangers. Rita had been sending down monster after monster, usually themed after whatever random activity the Rangers participated in this week.

So, of course, they began trolling her.

It started with Mr. Ticklesneezer. Trini really hated her doll collection; it was an heirloom from her mother, whom, for one reason or another, seemed to think Trini would be a perfect lady if she just kept foisting random bits of tradition on her. And so Trini, who was a beserker and proud of it, had no problem whatsoever first picking out a random doll for Zack to enchant, and then pretending it was her favoritest thing ever in front of the class.

And then, midway through the battle, Mr. Ticklesneezer turned and started chasing Squatt and Baboo. And didn't stop until Goldar destroyed him, because the Rangers were laughing too hard to form their Zords, especially when Zack, in a fit of inspiration, turned Mr. Ticklesneezer a bright pink.

Goldar had been furious. The Rangers had found this hilarious, up until Goldar had attacked them, and then had rather enjoyed the awaiting battle. (Kim and Tommy had some explosives recipes they'd wanted to test out.) So naturally they did it again, this time pretending Zack was really really interested in the Middle Ages and leaving a doll in the shape of a horse out, enchanted to turn into a giant Pikachu, because Tommy had just discovered he couldn't get his latest Pokemon card and was sad about it.

So Goldar had interfered.

There was a warrior who was known as the, roughly translated, Corrupt Warrior; it was easy enough to call him the Knasty Knight. He had traveled the universe and fought anyone he could, crushing one of the finest warriors of Onyx when Goldar met him. And, best of all, he owed Goldar a favor.

Goldar sat back with some popcorn. This should be fun.

By Zack's birthday, nothing had happened.

But on the other hand, it was Zack's birthday, and Tommy really loved birthdays. All the fun partying and present-giving was amazingly overstimulating, so even if it wasn't his birthday, he usually was at the forefront of any party-making. He went down to the Juice Bar to plan a surprise party.

Kim was already there, practicing on the balance beam, and she frowned when Tommy pitched the idea over a plate of food. "You want to throw a surprise party for a psychic? You sure you thought that one through?" Kim said as she took a strip of bacon, making a face as she bit into it, and grabbing a strawberry instead.

"Zack's not psychic." Ernie said. He said that a lot, but since he usually fed whoever showed up at the Juice Bar that morning in exchange for help opening up, the teens politely ignored him.

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaasseeeee?" Tommy begged as pathetically as he could.

Kim sighed. "Eh, why the hell not."

Zack was having a good birthday.

To start with, his highly annoying brothers, who were the stereotype of frat boys, were both out of the house. And it was because, while on a panty-stealing expedition, they'd gotten caught by the wonderful twin sisters next door wielding water guns full of indelible pink dye. The cops had almost died laughing, as had Zack.

When he went down to the Juice Bar for some peace and quiet to study magic in (Ernie didn't believe in magic, which meant he could read without any awkward questions, and since Zack's first forays into the magical realm had been textbook perfect, he'd enjoy learning a bit more and Trini was sick of translating for her grandmother, who knew some awesome magic-users but didn't have the greatest English), he found everyone scrambling to hide something. They'd been a bit slow hiding the birthday-party banner, though, so he figured it was a surprise party. Which was cool with Zack. He hadn't planned anything because his parents were busy with his brothers, but he'd also counted on Tommy forgetting so he could avoid the big shindig and go play lame video games with the guys until obscene hours of the night.

And now he finally had a free period in which to study his book. Zack found a nice, high spot on a hill near the school (it was sad how badly AGH kept track of its students), leaned against a rock, and cracked his spellbook open with a sigh of contentment.

And then something cold touched his throat.

"Having fun, Black Ranger?" Goldar growled.

A Few Hours Earlier...

Rita woke up and sighed in relief. Like any magic-user, she was plagued by migraine headaches, and this one had lasted a full three days, but sometime over the night had faded away. Bless Finster and his medicines.

Feeling better than she ever imagined she could have, she got up, got dressed, and headed for the throne room in a wonderful mood. It was time to enact a plan, to finally attack the Power Rangers!

And there was her opportunity.

Not the party swirling around that idiot Black Ranger, Rita couldn't care less about that-it was that little girl Trini's mother was phoning her about. Silvia. Trini was supposed to babysit today.

And little children made such good hostages.

"Finster!"

At the same time, Angel Grove High...

"Tom. No. You may not sneak off to plan the party." Jason said firmly.

"But Jaaaasooooonnnnn!" Tommy whined, giving Jason his best puppy-dog eyes.

Jason sighed. "Tommy, we've been over this. You need school. Even if it's boring sometimes, you still have to go."

"Awwwww..."

Jason glanced at the clock. "Come on, we've got a free period. Why don't we go in the art room and play with the clay?" That was actually pretty fun, the art teacher let anyone in whenever and liked seeing Tommy's weird art. Plus, Jason had some homework to do.

"Oka-" Tommy's jaw hit the ground.

Jason turned.

Billy and Kimberly looked like they'd been replaced with Goth clones. That was the only way to explain it. Billy turned out of nowhere, grabbing some poor freshman and slamming him up against the locker.

"You got any money, punk?" Billy snarled. The kid handed it over. "Thanks." He tossed the kid aside. "Now get lost!"

Jason picked his jaw up off the ground. Kim sauntered over to Tommy and gave him a long, ridiculous kiss, while Billy swaggered up to his locker and started messing with the lock.

Finally, Jason figured out what to ask. "Are you two on crack?"

In the shadows, Baboo and Squatt snickered.

Jason's eyes narrowed as he heard the snickers. He strode over to the shadows in question and yanked both goons out by the ears. "Okay, you two, what did you do?"

"Ow-ow-ow!" Baboo shouted.

"We didn't do it!" Squatt agreed.

Jason considered, then glanced up and whistled.

Billy and Kim looked only too happy to comply.

A little later, Juice Bar...

"...What?" Trini hissed.

"Squatt and Baboo drugged Kim and Billy." Jason repeated wearily over Trini's communicator. "They claim it'll wear off in a few hours, but I need you to keep them from doing any real damage. Tommy's too focused on the birthday party, and anyway, I kind of feel like Zack deserves one, we missed it last year what with the whole vacation mess."

"And if anyone can pull off an entire birthday party one-handed, it's Tommy." Trini finished, sighing. It was true-and part of the reason Zack's family no longer took family vacations. Apparently some fish were carnivorous. "Okay, I'll be right down."

She ducked out of her hiding spot. "Ernie, can you watch Silvia for me?" She asked. "My friends had a bit of a...problem."

Ernie was a good man, for all he thought the Rangers were crazy, and as such knew more about the six than anyone else, so he just nodded and smiled. "Hope it turns out okay."

"Thanks." Trini turned to Silvia, honestly feeling a bit bad. "Hey, Silvia, I'm so sorry, honey, I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? And I owe you an ice-cream."

Silvia grinned. "Yay ice cream!"

Trini headed off.

Silvia turned around, looking for something to do. Most of the stuff was either video games that cost money or put away for a birthday party, though.

...Hey, the birthday party! Silvia started working.

She had worked happily for a few hours when she looked up and saw a clown. This was potentially the best day of Silvia's young life-she loved clowns, and it was a birthday party! Tommy, who had arrived a bit earlier, was busy, but she was sure that he wouldn't mind.

"Excuse me, mister," The clown was saying to Ernie, who was turned away and making a smoothie, "Do kids like clowns?"

"Yes we do!" Silvia squealed, then remembered her manners. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Clown. My name's Silvia and I'm this many years old. Can you come and be at Zack's birthday party? He's my sister's friend, and I bet he'd love a clown!"

The clown looked at her. He had very big eyes, Silvia noticed.

The clown crouched down and smiled. "Your name is Silvia? Silvia Kwan? Boy oh boy! Have I got a surprise for you!" He pulled out a balloon. "Now what kind of animal do you like, little girl?"

"Doggies!" Silvia squealed. Yay, a balloon animal!

The clown's eyes glowed red as it grinned.

Now...

Jason had the suspicion that, at some point in the day, something had just gone wrong.

It had started when he lost Billy and Kimberly. Apparently they'd decided to go joyriding in Zack's car. Admittedly it was a pretty cool car, Billy had gotten at it, but they weren't actually supposed to try and do eighty miles per hour on the freeway. That sort of thing tended to attract cops, and Jason distinctly discouraged any of his friends from attracting official attention. It was just safer.

Then Zack called, hysterical about a 'nasty night' and demanding the Rangers help him. The most Jason could understand was that Zack was under attack, and since Jason could hear Goldar laughing in the background, it was probably worth investigating.

When Jason actually got to the battlefield, it became clearer that it wasn't a nasty night, it was a Nasty Knight, i.e. a monster Rita had come up with while on some form of drugs. A joke about Billy and Kim sharing those drugs flitted across Jason's mind, but he refrained from airing it in favor of helping Zack out.

And then there was a scream.

"COVER!" Jason bellowed. Jason and Zack ducked behind a rock, and there was a deep thud as whatever it was hit the ground.

"Ow, man, my ears!" Zack groaned.

"Sorry. Forgot about the speakers." Jason called up a few analysis programs and poked his head out so the scanners in his helmet could get a reading. "What the hell was that?"

"Fireball, maybe? I mean, someday a meteor's gotta be big enough to make a landing like that. Why not now?" Zack shrugged. "Did it hit Goldar? Because if not I call dibs."

"No, I think..." Jason trailed off, shaking his head. "Um, Zack? You've gotta see this."

Zack got up.

Billy and Kimberly, in full-blown medieval suits of armor, were aiming swords at the still-smoking hole in the ground. A morphed Trini ran up, growling; Tommy held an explosive.

Jason and Zack glanced at each other, then ran to their friends' sides. "Guys, what is it?" Jason demanded.

"Look for yourself." Billy said, muffled through the helmet.

Jason looked.

The first thing to crawl out of the hole was the Nasty Knight; Jason disregarded it. It quite frankly looked like crap, so it would probably retreat.

And then out crawled a clown.

"...A clown."

"It tried to kidnap Silvia." Trini growled.

Jason's mind did a full 180 from 'confusion' to 'stone-cold rage'.

"Then it tried to run away." Billy said. "Sorry about the car, Zack. But the Ren Faire we hit gave us some cool armor."

"Oh, that's fine!" Zack said chirpily. His expression, like that of the others, was set in stone, a mask to hide the pure, unadulterated rage behind it. "Just fine! Now, shall we do the honors?"

The Rangers grinned.

"...RANGERS. YOU HAVE...RETURNED."

The Rangers stood in the Command Center, covered in blood, with Trini holding the clown's head. They'd dismembered the clown, of course, while it was still alive and in agony from the various burns and cuts the Rangers had inflicted on it, but they'd also decided that, since it was Silvia who had been put at risk, it was Trini who could do the honors of decapitating it.

(Silvia, of course, was happily at the Juice Bar with Ernie, who was now paying far more attention to who came in his center.)

"Yep!" Tommy said cheerfully. "Hey, Zordon, do we have a spike or something? It'd be cool to put his head on a pike outside!"

"...HOW THE HELL DO YOU STILL HAVE THE POWER?"

"Wow, Zordon, I dunno," Kimberly bitched while popping her gum. "It's almost like killing Chester the Clowny Molester is a public service or something." She leaned against a console, wincing as her armor rattled. "Can we get, like, some air conditioning in here or something? This armor's hot as hell."

"RANGERS, I BELIEVE THIS CLOWN WAS MERELY DESIGNED TO TURN PEOPLE INTO CARDBOARD."

"Hey, a pike!" Tommy said, holding up a spear Billy had dropped. Billy seemed to be shedding weaponry.

Zordon privately stopped wondering why Rita had headaches.

On the moon, Rita looked over her henchmen.

They waited for the screams.

"...I'm going to bed."


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the wait time! I had a bunch of birthday stuff for my little sister, and it involved a lot of housecleaning. It's a short chapter this time, but hopefully worth it. :D (Carson City is in NV. You ALWAYS fly with a full tank-for Steve's plane to run out of gas, they would need to go AT LEAST that far.)

Edit: DAMNIT THIS FORMATTING IS EATING ALL MY SPACING. Hopefully this fixes it.

*PR*PR*PR*

"On your left, Jason."

Jason, expecting Goldar's sword to strike the empty air when he moved, instead saw a pink blur collide with Goldar and begin attacking him.

"...Parents having problems again, Kim?" Jason asked wryly.

"Nah, just bored. Fire!" Kimberly leaped away from Goldar, who was now, in fact, on fire. Kim squealed happily, clapping her hands.

"Hey, Jace? You think we ever use this as..." Zack paused, considering while he idly zapped a stray Putty. "...I don't know, therapy, almost?"

"'Course we do, bro." Jason grinned. "That's what makes it fun. Now let's kill some monsters!"

*PR*PR*PR*

The Plane Incident started when Tommy took to hanging out with Bulk and Skull.

No one was actually sure why he did this. Not only was he a Power Ranger with a life of intrigue that rivaled most secret agents, Skull spent half his time spying on Tommy's girlfriend. But Jason was more than glad to have a bit of peace and quiet to do homework, so he sat back and waited for the explosion and\or Tommy to get bored with them..

Instead, they ended up at the airport where Kim was going flying. And Tommy had convinced them that it would be a great idea to join in.

Kimberly probably should have taken this as a warning. Especially when Tommy decided to 'soothe Skull's fear of heights' by giving him a homemade chocolate shake. (Jason had tried to ban Tommy from sugar once, but the boy was very, very sneaky about creating his own, insanely-sweet foods. Jason just gave up.)

So now Bulk was screaming like a lunatic, Skull was practically bouncing off the wall, Tommy was saying something about spinning Barbies, and Kimberly's uncle Steve was unconscious.

"Oh, no, we're losing altitude..." Kimberly tried not to panic herself, but it wasn't quite working. "Uncle Steve! Uncle Steve!" She whimpered and glanced at the sky around them. "What're we gonna do?"

"Uh...put the Barbie back on?"

The sheer insanity of that was enough to snap Kimberly out of her panic. She snorted, then turned and snapped, "Will you two be quiet, I'm trying to think!"

Silence fell. Kimberly realized, belatedly, that Bulk and Skull had actually passed out. Normally this would have brought her to the verge of tears, but being a Ranger had given her something resembling sanity.

She lifted her communicator to her wrist. "Zordon? Anybody?" Oh, never mind, she was on the verge of tears. "I need help..."

And Tommy got an Idea.

"I'll save us!" He shouted. He was dimly aware of twin screams of 'no!', but reached out and yanked the steering wheel back anyway. Flying a plane was easy!

The steering wheel came out.

There was dead silence. Then Kimberly burst into tears. Tommy's own communicator beeped, and Tommy lifted it up. "Uh, Zordon? I think I broke it."

A sigh came from the communicator. "WE ARE AWARE."

"...I can fix it. I just need duct tape."

"UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. I AM SENDING THE PTERAZORD." Zordon paused. "AND TOMMY?"

"Yeah?"

"DO. NOT. TOUCH. ANYTHING."

Tommy pouted. "Okay." Dang. He'd wanted to help! And he was good at helping, at least most of the time! Like helping distract Zordon from Operation Undercover!

The Pterazord screamed, and Kimberly almost instantly perked up. Tommy started humming a random TV show theme song stuck in his head, deciding that it wasn't really worth bothering with the plane now that the Pterazord was here, or at least a mile or two away.

He finished the theme song, then glanced around. What was he doing again? He glanced at the steering wheel in his hands. Oh, yeah, he broke the plane...well, the Pterazord was here, he could fix it now so Steve wouldn't get mad. People always got mad when he broke things for some reason. He leaned forward, slotting the wheel into place.

The plane went down.

Luckily, something caught, and when Tommy tugged the wheel up, saving them. He grinned. Whoa, this was fun! Up, down, up, down...

"No, I think...Tommyyyyyyy!"

Tommy glanced over at Kimberly. She promptly began shrieking. Tommy frowned, then noticed that they were on a nosedive. He tugged the plane up before turning to Kimberly. "Yeah, Beautiful?"

"Tommy?" Kimberly asked faintly. "We're through. Forever."

Since she said that about once a week, Tommy filed that under the 'girls are weird' part of his mind (which was, quite ironically, next to the 'kissing is awesome' and 'Kimberly+chocolate=kissing' files) and returned to the plane. "Hey, can we move Uncle Steve? He's in the way and I think I can do a barrel roll."

"...Never. No more dates. No more chocolate. No more sappy movies. Never dating you again."

"TOMMY." Zordon said, attempting to intervene. "THE PTERAZORD IS HERE. STOP FLYING THE PLANE AND ALLOW HER TO DO HER JOB."

"...The Pterazord's a girl? Wait, does that mean she lays eggs? Because those would make really big omelets."

Kimberly had the Look on her face. Tommy was about to comment on it, but he saw that they'd gotten near an airport. "Oh, hey! Land!"

*PR*PR*PR*

An hour later, sitting on the back end of a fire truck and watching as the flaming ruins of Uncle Steve's plane was put out by Carson City's fire department, Kimberly turned to Tommy and punched him in the arm.

Tommy blinked. "Didn't you like the plane ride?"


	4. Chapter 4

And now, the first part of the Green With Evil saga!

*PR*PR*PR*

Rita was many things, but 'stupid' was not one of them.

Sure, she could fake it fairly well, especially given the unfortunate birth defect of her voice. But she

was far from the weakest spell in the book, especially when it came to strategy. This was part of why Tommy Oliver had completely confounded her. How could anyone, even Zordon, have chosen someone so completely stupid?

She'd tested out quite a few theories. Tommy was faking it; Tommy was a plant; Tommy was brain-damaged. While the monster to scan his brain had been blown up during the unfortunate mess with the airplane, said unfortunate mess itself had made her realize something.

Who cared what Tommy Oliver was? He was the single biggest threat to the Power Rangers since she had been born. And given that he was practically gift-wrapped for her, it would just be downright rude not to use him.

So she sent down some Putties to kidnap him.

This...did not go well. Rita wasn't even sure how Tommy had plastic explosives on him, much less how he'd managed to create plastic explosives that blew up Putties. Her grand speech about 'choosing him' didn't seem quite as impressive now, so she just stared.

"You know, most kidnappers hand out candy." Tommy said, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, what kind of a kidnapper are you? You don't even have a white van. You suck."

Apparently this was going to be more difficult than she'd realized. "Tommy!" She crowed, attempting to sound triumphant. Impressive or not, she was going to do this right, damnit. "I have chosen you-"

"Pikachu!"

Rita teleported down to the street, now caught somewhere between flabbergasted and furious. "I am trying to make a speech here!" She screeched.

"Yeah, but if you're going to choose a Pokemon you have to choose Pikachu. Otherwise Misty gets mad because you're using the others too much and I think there's laws against abusing the Pokeanimals." Tommy said as if he were discussing the weather. "And if all you wanted to do was play Pokemon you didn't have to kidnap me. See?" He drew a deck of colorful cards from his back pocket. "I always have my deck."

This was not going according to plan.

"Do you have candy, though?" Tommy continued, oblivious to Rita's inability to figure out just what the hell to do now. "Jase took my stash away again. Says it'll make me 'hyper'." He rolled his eyes as he formed the air quotes. "It doesn't really, Mom says it kind of calms me down sometimes...wait, that's coffee. But I put a ton of sugar in my coffee anyway. Dad thinks I might have ADHD but Mom said my birth parents must've dropped me on my head as a baby because ADHD doesn't make you a complete and utter lunatic. I think she forgets I know what she's saying but it's kind of funny so I don't mind."

Rita decided it would be a far better option to just teleport him now and worry about whatever he was saying later.

"Oh, hey, Jason!" Tommy said suddenly, brightening at something behind her. He waved his cards. "Come play Pokemon with us!"

"The Red Ranger isn't there, White Ranger." Rita sneered, aiming her staff.

"Uh, actually, I am."

Damn.

Jason raised an eyebrow as Rita teleported away. "What the hell was that about?"

"Pokemon!" Tommy said cheerfully.

*PR*PR*PR*

Zack and Jason were having a Serious Discussion.

Tommy knew it was a Serious Discussion (capital letters) because they'd started staying up late whispering. It was fairly normal for them to stay over at each other's houses, but normally they went to sleep, especially if Jason was there to remind them about school the next morning.

Tommy was curious. He didn't really find Serious Discussions interesting, but sometimes they had fun parts, like when Jason had told him to not worry too much about being normal around Zordon. (He could be normal, or at least not ramble on for hours. Trini had taught him how. But it was hard to do for a long time, and it wasn't him, so he preferred being his usual self most of the time anyway.)

At the moment, though, Zack and Jason thought he was asleep. It was the best way to spy on them. But they kept their Serious Discussion low so they didn't 'wake' him, and Tommy could barely hear a thing.

Finally he was just bored.

He sighed and rolled over. He could probably sneak out without Zack or Jason noticing, but there wasn't much to do, especially since turning on the TV would interrupt their Serious Discussion, and Tommy was intelligent enough to know that interrupting those was borderline dangerous, even for him. (They were Power Rangers, after all. It came with the territory that if you didn't plan, things you liked got destroyed.)

He rolled onto the forgotten Pokemon deck he'd left in his sleeping bag. Of course! He could go play Pokemon with Rita!

He grinned to himself, scooped up his cards, and snuck outside. The night was fairly pleasant, so Tommy didn't even have to go get a jacket. He happily snickered to himself, pleased at his genius idea (it wouldn't even wake anyone up!), but then realized he didn't know how to find Rita. She lived on the moon, how would she know he wanted to play Pokemon now?

He headed for the alleyway where she'd first tried to play. Maybe she'd notice him there.

He sat shuffling his deck for a while, but it got a bit colder, and he was about to leave before Rita appeared in a flash of light, grinning like a lunatic. She must've been really bored. Then again, Tommy reflected, there probably weren't a lot of people to play Pokemon with on the moon.

"Tommy!" She greeted him.

"Hi, Rita! I brought my Pokemon deck. Oooh, do you have an alien Pokemon deck? That would be so cool. Do they even make those? In Area 51 maybe?" Tommy felt stars drifting over his eyes in excitement. He knew the Command Center wasn't Area 51 (although he still called it that to watch the others laugh), but the real Area 51 must be awesome.

"Er...no." Rita said.

Tommy pouted. "But have you ever seen Area 51? It must be totally awesome. I mean, I know Jase says I'm obsessed with conspiracy theories, but can you imagine-well, no, you've already seen it, haven't you?"

Rita regarded him with a look on her face for a moment (Tommy got that look a lot, he never knew what it meant), then nodded slowly. "I can take you to see Area 51 if you want."

This was the best. Day. Ever.

"Seriously?" Tommy gasped enthusiastically, dropping his Pokemon deck in his excitement. Rita grinned and nodded. "Yes! This is awesome!" He promptly did an impromptu happy dance, which was stopped by Rita pointing her staff at him.

They vanished in a flash of green flame.

When they reappeared, Rita was cackling. Tommy glanced around and frowned. Hey, this wasn't...he glanced outside. "Uh, I think your spell missed, this is the moon." Which was kind of dangerous, Rita might be cool but the monsters weren't. Goldar in particular tended to try to kill him in battle while screaming something about being Darwin's revenge.

"My spell didn't miss, you arrogant little human." Rita cackled. "You are in my moon palace, and I will make you my Green Ranger!" She started cackling again.

Tommy pouted. Apparently, she'd lied when she said she was going to take him to Area 51. Jason said some people did that, but it always surprised him. He reached in his pocket for more explosives, only to remember that he'd left them at home, because everyone said it was rude to bring explosives when you were going to hang out with people. (Though Jason let him when he hung out with the others. He really liked Jason. Jason was cool and let him play with things that went boom.)

Rita was going on about something to do with taking over the world. It sounded boring. Tommy stopped pouting and glanced around, now officially bored again. Ooh, wait, Rita was ranting at the balcony, but she'd left her staff leaning against a chest! Tommy grinned and walked over to it.

The screaming when he grabbed it was amazing, but Tommy just winced. Bleeeech, it was connected to Rita's magic. Oh, well, he could use it anyway. There was a lot of energy in this thing...he glanced at Earth. Maybe he could make pretty lightning with it! No, lightning scared Kim. Maybe he should just make lightning up here, instead.

ZZZZAAAAAP!

Goldar ran into the throne room as soon as he saw the lightning, but stopped short at the scene that was slowly appearing through scalded retinas. His Empress was kneeling on the ground muttering something about seeing the light side and cackling, Tommy Oliver was holding her staff, and the entire room carried lightning burns.

Scorpina gaped.

"Goldar!" Tommy grinned and pointed the staff at the general. Goldar had to fight back the sudden urge to murder the boy for the sake of the universal gene pool. "You have to marry me."

"...What."

"I have the staff, right?" Tommy asked, looking far too gleeful. "So you have to do anything I say. So I can make you do anything."

"...Put the staff down." Goldar would worry about the boy's insane logic later.

"Nope! I want you to wear a tutu!" A pause. Tommy glanced at the staff, frowning and shaking it. "Why aren't you..." He paused, his eyes glowing green.

Rita's eyes glowed as well.

This was dangerous, Goldar knew. For one magic-user (even an undiscovered one like Tommy) to grasp the tool of another magic-user linked their minds. But somehow their minds weren't linked; Rita was picking up Tommy's insanity (at least from what Goldar heard of her ramblings), and Tommy picked up nothing. Strange, but nothing around this boy was normal, so he was dwelling far more on the fact that the boy was putting his Empress in danger.

ZZAAAP!

Goldar blinked. Somehow he'd survived that. He glanced down to see that he was, in fact, wearing a frilly pink tutu.

He growled.

Tommy, who was apparently completely insane, started laughing and doing some odd series of jerking motions Goldar assumed was supposed to be a dance. Scorpina nearly collapsed in laughter, and Goldar had to refrain from killing the boy then and there. Instead he walked up to him and tried to bash him on the skull.

Tommy blocked automatically. Damn Rangers. "Hey! Quit trying to kill me!" He glared at Goldar, which probably should have been far more terrifying than it was. "You always do that!"

Goldar reached for the staff, deciding that his mind would probably be preferable to the Empress than Tommy's at this stage. The boy ducked away, rolling his eyes. "You are so annoying. Do you do this to Jason? Zack? Kim? Nooo, you just hate me for some reason." He paused and glanced at the staff. "Hey, does this thing make me fly?"

"No." Goldar said, attempting to gain some modicum of control. "You may not fly with that. Now put the staff down and-"

"Dooo eeeeeet." Goldar barely recognized the voice as Rita's. She had an insane smile plastered over her face, and looked eagerly at Tommy to do something, anything, with a staff that was part of her very soul.

Tommy grinned. "Okay!" He lifted up into the air, starting to make odd noises.

Scorpina sank to the ground, holding her stomach and still laughing.

Goldar didn't know how this happened, but he was reasonably sure of one thing. He was going to kill whoever was responsible.


	5. Chapter 5

And now, the second part of the Green With Evil saga! (I'm going to be camping for the next week, so no updates until then, sorry.)

*PR*PR*PR*

Jason was about to have a panic attack.

Tommy was missing. Some things he'd laugh off, but ever since that creepy guy had tried to kidnap Tommy a few years back, Jason had always made sure he knew exactly where his brother-in-crime was. (Although it wasn't entirely necessary, said kidnapper had ended up in the hospital, which was usually the fate of those who tried to mess with the lunatic named Tommy. But Jason worried.)

He was reasonably sure he knew Tommy had been in what he called the shortcut, an alley that cut off about fifteen minutes of time if you wanted to cross town but also led you through what was nearly a ghetto. Tommy's Pokemon cards were scattered on the ground. But Tommy wasn't at school, from what Jason could tell, and after that creepy guy, Tommy had never wandered off without telling Jason where he was going. He was a lunatic, but he was smart and loyal.

Zack jogged up to Jason, looking horrified.

Jason cursed. A passing student gave him a funny look, but Jason ignored him (since most of the people attending AGS were the type that made Tommy's theories about fluoridated water causing brainwashed 'good' behavior look sane).

"Jason, have you seen Tommy?" Kim asked, looking infuriated. "He left me a gift-wrapped dead frog and said it was from the Monty Python Chocolate Company. I'm going to...he's gone, isn't he."

Jason nodded.

"I'll go get Trini." Kim sighed, heading for her best friend, then stopping short.

Jason stared.

Tommy was walking down the hallway. He wore a green shirt, a black-net vest over it, and skinny jeans. His hair was dyed black and flipped over one eye. And his eyes were bright green.

Tommy, ignoring all the stares, slouched over to his locker and started gathering books.

"...Tommy? Why the hell are you wearing that?" Zack asked bluntly.

"No. Better question. Where did you go? You know better than to run off like that!" Jason scolded. He'd been told a few times that he acted a bit like Tommy's mother, but quite frankly he didn't care. Especially since their parents seemed totally incompetent anyway.

Tommy shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" Jason repeated, looking roughly like a steam engine about to explode.

"We're all doomed to die." Tommy explained. "It's the end of all things. So it really doesn't matter." He shut his locker and tilted his head. "And I want fish sticks."

...He'd gone insane. Even for Tommy. "Okay, moving back from the little existential crisis here, you mind telling me where you went?"

"Did fish sticks really used to be fish?" Tommy frowned. "That's kinda sick, man. You know, eating something that used to be alive."

"...So you want fish sticks why?" Jason knew better than to follow Tommy's tangents, but something about this one was just confusing him.

Tommy shrugged. "All things die, bro. And there's something fitting in the doomed eating the already-dead. Sick and twisted, but fitting."

There was no real response to that.

Tommy glanced at them and frowned. "I think I was going to say something about how the world is doomed too, but I forgot." He shrugged. "Doesn't matter. All things die." He then turned, slouching off, presumably to class.

The trio stared after him.

"...Rita." Jason said, praying that it was indeed a plot of Rita's and he wasn't just clinging to something to justify whatever mental illness Tommy had finally turning against them all. "Okay. Kim, go cover for us in class, get Billy and Trini. I'll go talk to Zordon. Zack, go watch Tommy."

The three Rangers walked off to their respective missions with the shell-shocked look of veteran soldiers from the eighteenth century who had quite suddenly learned about the existence of zombies.

*PR*PR*PR*

Rita was Not Pleased.

Her initial attempt to make a Green Ranger had been thwarted by 'Pokemon' and the Red Ranger. Her second attempt had resulted in Goldar needing to lock her in a safe room for three hours before she could regain her sanity, and she was still totaling the damages from the throne room. (Although the herd of carnivorous and monster rabbits had been an interesting addition to her army, they were too unpredictable to actually use.) And in her attempt to rectify the problems by giving Tommy a heavy dose of sanity, she had ended up with...

She glanced at the boy currently writing bad poetry in red ink because 'it looks like blood, and it's totally a metaphor for the soul of a poet', wearing enough black to make an observer wonder about his Allegiance to Green, and randomly sniffling at a particularly 'deep' verse.

...That.

Still, you had to do the best you could with what you had. "Tommy!" She barked.

Tommy looked up, irritated. She was interrupting deep poetry, here. These were the workings of a mind that had seen the light. Or dark. Tommy snorted in wry amusement at the thought. "Yeah?" He muttered sullenly.

"Go to Earth. Destroy Zordon." She said, sighing and muttering something about regretting 'this'.

Tommy knew the feeling. He levered himself up slowly, the weight of the world on his shoulders. He muttered the teleportation spell and landed in the Command Center.

Zordon looked surprised to see him. Tommy sighed. "Morphin' Time, I guess...Dragonzord." His morph shimmered onto him, and he had a vague thought about the symbolism of masks that represented the falseness of humankind. And tacos. He was hungry again. He should go get tacos.

"SO RITA HAS GIVEN YOU HER GREEN POWER COIN." Zordon said. "TOMMY, LET US HELP YOU."

"You can't help. My life is a black, meaningless abyss." Tommy sighed. "Whatever. I want tacos."

By this point, Zordon had learned that the quickest route to getting Tommy's help was sheer bribery. "I CAN GIVE YOU TACOS IF YOU STAY STILL AND LET ALPHA SCAN YOU."

Tommy snorted. "He can't understand me. No one can." He drew his Dragon Dagger.

"YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IF YOU HAVE SOME TACOS."

"I don't think so. I realized every side is the same. All things die, you know? And everything's the same in the end. So it doesn't matter whose side you're on. Everything just plays into the hands of Death." Tommy considered. "Anyway, you're annoying."

Alpha 5 tried to intervene, performing a bad karate chop at Tommy, who sighed and batted away the hands before punching Alpha in the face. Alpha shut down for self-repair, and Tommy glanced down at him blankly. "You're lucky. You can't die, you just repair. Humans don't do that. We bleed and die."

"TOMMY, LET US HELP YOU." Zordon tried again, unsure of exactly what else he could say.

Tommy started playing with the Dragon Dagger. "I'm doing you a favor, man. Everything dies. I mean, life itself is just this black hole that spirals downward into nothingness. Death just spares you pain." He stabbed the consoles. "So die already."

Zordon reflected, as he vanished from the universe he normally called home, that he really should have seen this one coming.

Tommy glanced around at the chaos he'd wrought. It felt empty somehow. His whole life did. Everything was just meaningless in the face of death. But he was the Prince of Darkness or something, and he should do a good job.

He smashed some of the tubes and the Viewing Globe, then nicked his wrist, letting a drop of blood fall. There. A symbol of his broken, desolate heart on the desolation he had wrought.

He teleported up to Rita's palace. He had some poetry to finish.

*PR*PR*PR*

Jason took one look at the damage and groaned. "Tommy."

"That would be the logical conclusion." Billy agreed. "If you're correct about Rita's involvement, at least, and we cannot assume-"

"Billy, I'm not translating for you." Trini warned, looking at the damage and trying to figure out what exactly it would mean in her head.

Billy sighed. "Yes. I concur."

Jason sighed as well, turning to the damage. Kimberly yelped as a spark flew out of one wrecked tower, and Jason shook his head. This was never going to get fixed. Not with just them.

Time to pull out the big guns.

"All right, gang, I think this has gone on long enough." Jason said, pulling a bottle out of his pocket.

"Jase, man, that's just cold." Zack protested, his eyes lighting up.

"I concur, we are more likely to face Zordon's wrath over this attempt than if we simply abandoned him." Billy said, worried.

"Yeah, well, I don't really even know where to begin fixing this, let alone looking for Zordon. But I know who does. And really, she took Tommy, she kind of deserves this."

"But...it's Tommy." Kimberly protested weakly.

"Who, knowing him, will think this is hilarious." Trini pointed out dryly. "Anyway, he's the only person I've met who's worse on his meds then off them."

"It's for the good of the planet." Jason reassured her.

"The good of the planet, Kim!" Zack enthused, his eyes lighting up.

"Giving Tommy ADHD medication we know is going to make him even worse than normal is for the good of the planet?" Billy said, grinning like a lunatic. "Suddenly my bent for 'mad science', as you term it, seems reasonable."

"Well, it's Rita." Jason said, shrugging. "Can't think of anyone who deserves it more."

Slowly they all nodded.

"Okay, then." Jason said. "Let's get to Angel Grove. I've got a lunch to get to."

*PR*PR*PR*

Tommy wasn't quite sure why Jason had insisted on buying him lunch, but whatever. They were all doomed anyway.

He completely failed to notice that, throughout his entire spiel on poetry, Ayn Rynd, and the ultimate finality of Death, Jason looked ready to cackle. He certainly didn't notice that his thoughts were brightening until Jason gave him back his Pokemon cards.

And he didn't realize what was going to happen until he reached the Moon Palace.

The old, familiar feeling of insanity was a bit unwelcome, and he longed for-oooh, someone was making cupcakes. Tommy grinned. He loved cupcakes! He should go get some. He wandered happily down the halls of the Moon Palace, humming some song about cupcakes to himself.

Unfortunately, no one was making cupcakes in the throne room. However, there was Goldar there. And Goldar, Tommy remembered, had tried to make him put the staff away. And kept trying to kill him. And had stuck him in a brainwashing machine.

And it suddenly seemed like a very good idea to annoy him.

Tommy grinned. For this plan, he was going to need a ring, a white dress...he headed off to explore, suddenly very glad Jason had bought him lunch. He didn't know what was in that smoothie, but damn had he needed it.

By the time he'd reached the throne room again, he'd decided it must've been the sugar. No more going without it for him, he promised himself. Instead he walked up to Goldar, dropped to one knee, flipped open the ring box he'd found, and grinned. "Will you marry me?"

Goldar gave him a Look. Tommy could barely keep from cackling with delight. Squatt and Baboo (who he was going to keep forever, even if Dad had a no-dogs rule he bet Dad would totally let Squatt and Baboo stay, they didn't even shed) came in singing 'here comes the bride' badly and carrying a white dress.

"Goldar," Rita said in a low undertone, "Fix this."

Goldar growled and yanked Tommy up by the arm. Tommy, however, was starting to realize that there were far more interesting possibilities to be had in terms of fun. "Ooh! Shiny!" He squirmed free, darting over to the telescope. "What's this do? Can I play with it? Oooh, I can see Kim's house! Can we go to Kim's house? Hey!" Tommy glared, realizing something. "You never took me to Area 51!" He said with an accusing finger pointed at Rita.

Rita stared.

"CUPCAKES!" Tommy suddenly screamed, seeing the cupcakes Finster had been making laying on the counter. (The fact that they probably weren't cupcakes didn't deter him.) He bounded over to them, scooping one up and taking a big bite.

They. Were. Amazing.

Unknown to anyone there, however, the 'cupcakes' were not the best choice of food for Tommy at the moment. ADHD medications had a very specific chemical structure, and, like all medications, could interact with other chemicals. In this case, said chemical was not only in the 'cupcakes', but featured as part of the main ingredient (which, luckily, was a type of egg Finster had substituted for the real main ingredient, a type of insect vomit).

So while normal ADHD medications gave Tommy an urge to actively annoy people instead of trying to help, the combination of the medication and egg was enough to send him into hyperactivity.

Amazingly enough, hyperactivity in the most clinical sense of the term was not Tommy's normal state.

Tommy paused while the egg ran through his system, sped up by two Ranger powers and previously-taken medication. Then he looked at the throne room and decided, in thoughts inhumanly fast, that it could indeed be improved by a little chaos.

"IT'SMORPHIN'TIMEDRAGONZORDWHITETIGER!"

BOOM!

When the smoke cleared, Rita realized that there was a very large crack in the lunar palace. One which went right through her entire base. Tommy, his morph flickering between White Ranger and Green Ranger so quickly it was an epileptic's nightmare, was bouncing around alternating between Saba and the Dragon Dagger to splash paint all over the walls. Goldar and Scorpina were unconscious, and Tommy was rattling off various forms of poetry at inhuman speeds.

Rita got to her feet, clutching her staff with a death grip. "Tommy!" She screamed, trying to get his attention.

Pink and yellow paint splattered into her. She spat it out, now officially disgruntled.

"Sorry! Ithoughtyoucouldusesomepaint!" Tommy informed her cheerfully. "DidyouknowPoewasn'tthefirstpersontowritedarkpoemsandI'llprobablybethelastbecauseyou'rewinningandthosearereallygoodcupcakesandIwantaTransformertoyforChristmasexceptSantaisn'trealand-JASON!"

Rita turned.

The Power Rangers, her new mortal enemies, were standing in the doorway in perfect formation. Rita had no doubt that behind their helmets they were laughing. "Rangers." She snarled.

"Rita." Jason returned coolly. Oh, but that boy was asking to die. "I take it this is enough of an example for you."

"You would be right. Take your brat and go." Zordon was gone, she had no problem making the Rangers deal with the brat for a while.

"Mmm, no."

Tommy paused, pouting beneath the flickering morphs. "ButJaaaaasee!"

"Having fun with the paint?" Tommy grinned and nodded, and Rita could nearly see the predator's smile beneath Jason's helmet. "Then tell you what. I'll give you a little more time to play with it. Say, until Rita agrees to help us fix the Command Center and bring Zordon back?"

Rita narrowed her eyes. "Never." No matter what she was subjected to, she would not do that.

Jason shrugged. "Suit yourself." He gestured to his team, who teleported out, then leaned against the wall, nodding to Tommy.

Tommy grinned and zoomed off.

"Hunh, I didn't know...you didn't." Jason grinned as a thundering noise came from the hallway. "He told me he got your staff, but he didn't..."

Rita winced.

An army of rabbits flooded the room. A few leaped at Jason, but he brushed them aside calmly, his suit protecting him. The rest just...

Flooded.

Goldar and Scorpina awoke screaming. A bunny attached to Rita's arm, gnawing, while others leaped for her stomach. More of them were eating her throne, her equipment, all of it, and her staff clattered from her hands.

Tommy's eyes lit up as he saw the staff fall.

"NO!" She screamed. "I'll help you! Fine! Get him away from my staff!"

Jason grinned.

*PR*PR*PR*

"JASON?"

Jason smiled innocently up at Zordon. "Yes?"

"WHY ARE GOLDAR, SCORPINA, AND FINSTER CLEANING UP THE COMMAND CENTER?"

Jason pointed at Tommy.

Zordon regarded the boy who was fast asleep on a cot (or rather passed out; Trini had given him a third chemical that made him, while still high as a kite, sleep it off in a happy dreamland instead of destroying everything in sight,) and realized that, in fact, he probably didn't want to know.

"YOU DO REALIZE WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A VERY LONG TALK ABOUT THE ETHICS OF USING YOUR TEAMMATE AS A WEAPON."

Jason shrugged. "Go ahead. I've had it with Trini a few times. Thing is, he really likes causing mayhem. So really, when he wakes up, he'll just ask if he can do it again."

"I AM STILL DISPLEASED."

"Yeah, but you're our leader." Jason raised an eyebrow. "So if we're superheroes, shouldn't our job be to, you know...save people?"

Zordon was quiet for a moment at the subtle challenge. "I AM UNSURE WHAT YOU ARE INSINUATING, BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR SAFETY AS A TEAM IS MOST IMPORTANT TO ME."

"Yep." Jason said, surveying the work being done. "Of course."

Zordon had a feeling this conversation wasn't over.


	6. Chapter 6

I RETURN! And with insanity! Enjoy. (The candle saga is happening much earlier here. Three guesses why. :p)

*PR*PR*PR*

Kimberly was about to completely freak out.

The Putties that had attacked them were winning. She couldn't reach her morpher, and Tommy was just standing with the Putties around him, staring at a bird. "Tommy!" She shouted, trying to bring him back to reality. "I can't reach my morpher!"

"...Hey! There's a bird!"

"Tommy! Morph!"

Goldar appeared, cackling. "Ah, trouble in paradise, Pink Ranger?"

"What do you want, metalhead?" Kimberly shouted, trying to keep the focus off Tommy. She all too well remembered the last time Rita's plan had focused on kidnapping him.

"I want him."

Goldar stabbed his sword into the ground, teleporting away both Tommy and the Putties. "Say goodbye, Kimberly!" Goldar cackled. "You'll never see the White Ranger again!"

He vanished in a flare of fire.

Kimberly raised her morpher to her lips, shaking. "Uh, Zordon? We've got a problem."

*PR*PR*PR*

Tommy found himself in the Dark Dimensions.

He didn't like the Dark Dimensions. They were big and spooky and nasty. He'd liked them last time, but right now he wasn't all depressed and emo, so he didn't like them at all. And most disappointingly, they didn't have any explosives, either.

"Just like old times, isn't it, Tommy?" Goldar cackled.

"Ooh!" Tommy brightened. "Do I get paint?"

Goldar actually flinched.

One of the Putties handed Goldar Tommy's morpher, and he grinned. "Leave us!" He ordered the Putties, chuckling as they vanished. Tommy sighed and rubbed his arms. Man, they didn't know how to not cut off blood cir-oooh! Candle! Tommy grinned and poked it.

"Don't you want to know what's going on?"

"Nah, you'll tell me anyway." Tommy looved candles, they were all pretty and smelled nice and you could poke your finger in the wax and it would peel off all interesting.

Goldar stared, slightly wrong-footed, but shook his head and said, "Rita will offer you a second chance. Join her, or lose your powers as the candle fades!"

Tommy blinked. Then, taking the logical course of action, blew out the candle he was playing with.

"...No. A different candle." Goldar stepped aside. A white candle glowed and sparkled behind him. "It's made of very special wax, and when it burns out...your powers will be gone!"

Tommy frowned. "Uh...you're serious?"

"...Yes."

"You're sure."

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Because people lie sometimes. And it hurts my feelings." Tommy pouted.

Goldar rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I am not lying. And I do not care about your feelings."

Tommy glared. "You're mean." He glanced to the left and remembered the candle. "I'm gonna blow the candle out. Meanie."

"Go ahead and try." Goldar sneered.

The following fight wasn't that bad. Tommy, for all his insanity, was an amazingly talented fighter. But Goldar was winning.

"You are doomed!" He informed Tommy, cackling.

Tommy rolled his eyes-ooh! Candle! Shiny!

*PR*PR*PR*

"Guys, this is bad, bad bad bad." Kimberly said, walking around all but flapping her hands. "Rita's got him again. We're going to go in there and he'll have blown everything up and then we'll be murderers because we let him out and-"

"Kim. Breathe." Jason stepped over to Billy. "Any luck?"

"Negative, I'm still attempting to lock on Tommy's morpher frequency." Billy said. "And let's just hope he's got the intelligence to use it."

Jason caught the last, but ignored it. "Zordon, any guesses?"

"HE IS PROBABLY IN THE DARK DIMENSIONS. WE MUST KEEP TRYING, BUT THERE MAY NOT BE ANY SIGNAL TO LOCK ONTO."

Well, of all the ways to win a war, winning via enemy stupidity wasn't the worst. Jason shut his eyes and tried not to imagine Tommy's mangled body in the flames. It would be okay. He'd done dumber things and survived. And he might even get rid of-

The alarms blared, and the Rangers turned to the viewing globe.

"THE WHITE TIGERZORD IS ATTACKING DOWNTOWN." Zordon said unnecessarily.

Jason sighed. "Okay, guys. It's morphing time."

Tommy, hold on.

"I am called away to battle!" Goldar roared triumphantly.

Tommy, who by this point was trying to cover one of his shoes in wax from a candle, glanced up hopefully. "Really? So I can go?"

"Don't get any ideas, White Ranger." Goldar snarled.

Tommy put the candle aside, grinning. "But you have to go. So I can go do something not boring." Well, he had to blow out the White Candle first, but still.

Goldar grinned and pointed his sword. Chains of gold light appeared around Tommy's wrists, binding them at his sides. Goldar cackled and left.

Tommy blinked.

Yes, he was gone. Tommy walked forward, shaking his head, and blew out the candle.

It went out.

Anticlimactic. Tommy pouted, then started wandering around, deciding to kill time until Jason showed up.

It was going to be a long, boring wait. Fortunately, Goldar showed up fifteen minutes later. Tommy jumped to his feet, awkwardly given the chains, grinning. Yay! People!

Goldar stared at the candle, then Tommy.

"Oh, I blew it out."

Goldar pointed his sword at the candle and lit it again.

"Hey! You meanie!" Tommy pouted.

"Care to try again?" Goldar asked, smirking.

Tommy growled and charged. The chains fell away, Goldar clearly anticipating another easy win. This time, though, Tommy punched lower. Goldar made a high-pitched whimpering noise that made Tommy snicker, and then Tommy grabbed the sword and plunged it down.

They were out! Ha! Tommy pulled out his morpher, shouting out his morphing call gleefully. Fighting time!

*PR*PR*PR*

"So you got out, and you didn't grab the candle?"

Tommy frowned. "But it wasn't real. I mean, she couldn't have been serious, right?"

The entire group facepalmed.

"I'M AFRAID SHE WAS QUITE SERIOUS, TOMMY. THE SPELL IS NOT A DIFFICULT ONE, AND I AM QUITE FRANKLY SURPRISED SHE HAS NOT TRIED THIS BEFORE." Zordon informed him.

"Tommy, we're dealing with a sorceress." Trini pointed out. "Remember what I taught you?"

"Always assume the worst." Tommy rolled his eyes, then stared at the ground sheepishly. "Yeah. Uh. Oops."

Jason clapped him on the back. "Hey. You're alive, and that's what counts." He reassured his brother-in-crime, the wheels of his brain turning. "Anyway, we can use this to our advantage."

"Really?" Tommy asked eagerly. "How?"

Jason grinned. "How would you like to be the Green Ranger?"

*PR*PR*PR*

"So that's it?"

"Yep." Jason grinned proudly. "Great plan or what?"

"Bro, this is sooo weird." Tommy grinned, poking his White Power Coin. "Like, it's there, but it's not, you know?" His grin got brighter. "Oooh. Can I make stuff go boom?"

"That's the plan."

"ONCE AGAIN, JASON, I FEEL I SHOULD WARN AGAINST LETTING TOMMY ACT IN SECRET." Zordon attempted, somehow managing not to add 'or without a helmet'.

"He's great at strategy and great at following orders." Jason clapped Tommy on the back. "Ladies and gentlemen, our secret weapon against the forces of evil: Green Ranger Tommy Oliver!"

A cheer went up.

"Pizza!" Tommy shouted suddenly, diving for it. The others laughed and followed, save Jason.

"JASON," Zordon asked, "WHY WAS I NOT CONSULTED ABOUT THIS?"

"I don't know." Jason said nonchalantly. "Why'd you pick teenagers instead of Marines?"

In Zordon's silence, Jason grabbed a slice of pizza. He wouldn't get an answer anytime soon. But then, he probably didn't need one.


End file.
